“Doctors are reasonable people”
Senate hopeful Sue Lowden’s plan for Healthcare reform is to barter chickens for medical procedures. But you may be unsure how many chickens are required for your medical care. This handy calculator converts many common procedures into chickens so you won’t look like an idiot at your next Doctor’s Appointment.
For Your Visit Please Bring
to your Doctor’s Office*
Plan for the future and take your healthcare into your own hands. Live Chickens are 20 times more expensive than eggs.
*This site makes no guarantees regarding the correct number of chickens for your procedure. Chicken count is an estimate only based on current market value of typical live chickens and average costs of medical procedures gathered from multiple sources. Your doctor may require more chickens than specified. For your convenience, we recommend bringing at least 20% more chickens than specified to any doctor's appointment. For that matter, you should have at least 1500 chickens per passenger in your car in the event of an accident, so you could just use those if you're a little short on chickens, but then be extra careful driving home from the doctor because you will have used up some of your accident chickens. Do not mail your medical chickens as payment. Please barter medical chickens in person. Chickens should be secured in your trunk or truckbed if possible. Any chickens riding in the passenger compartment on the way to the doctor must wear seat belts. Chickens should not drive you to the doctor, if you are unable to drive you should dial 911 for an ambulance. Ambulances may not accept chickens for payment, you should have at least 4 goats or an adult pig for such cases. Your healthcare provider may not accept chickens for payment, but many accept other livestock. The Chicken Calculator can not convert medical procedures to sheep, goats, pigs, ducks, cows, llamas, ostriches, etc. Check with your local livestock association for current exchange rates and providers.